Expert

The following is a piece I wrote for a trivia challenge that will soon be aired on a podcast. Dana and I wrote the trivia questions based on our favorite subject material.

Enjoy

Experts. What constitutes an expert? In my expert opinion, one becomes an expert in the same manner one becomes anything. One must become an expert in one’s mind, first.

Well, that expert opinion is a load of squash, because an expert is obviously an expert in his or her mind. Where else would he or she be an expert? In a toe?

My wife and I are Harry Potter experts. The reason for this is because no one else in the world likes the Harry Potter story more than we do. It’s true, J.K., not even you. We have all the books in hardcover and ebook format, and all of the movies. And we use them all on a regular basis. We even got the Deathly Hallows tattoo. It’s not uncommon for one of us to wake the other from a dead sleep to discuss what happens when a witch or wizard is exposed to a horcrux for extended periods of time, or whether or not Uncle Vernon was a boggart in disguise.

I’m proud to say that the thing I’m most excited for when I get to heaven, when I finally reach those pearly gates, is that glorious day when St. Peter gives me my fully functioning magic wand. Accio Harp. Accio Halo. Wingardium that robe. Hey! Did Jesus just expelliarmus my harp?! Psh.

Until that day, I will satisfy my magical yearnings by discussing important social events in light of Dumbledore’s wisdom, dream of cutting my commute to work via apparition and writing ridiculous trivia questions for podcast hosts who think they are bigger fans than Dana and me.